The ‘Better’ Trap: When Healing Starts to Feel Like a Race

Somewhere along the line, “healing” turned into a performance.

Maybe it started with all those well-meaning mantras—feel it to heal it, good vibes only, just let go. Or maybe it’s just how we’ve learned to exist: always trying to get somewhere else, always trying to improve. So even when we’re in pain, the question becomes: How quickly can I get over this?

Here’s what no one tells you loud enough: Healing doesn’t care about your timeline. It shows up messy, inconvenient, and on its own schedule. Sometimes you make big strides. Other times, it feels like you’re back at square one, crying over something you thought you’d already buried.

That’s not failure. That’s the work.

You Are Not Falling Behind

The moment you start comparing your progress to someone else’s—or even to the version of yourself you wish you were—you step into the “Better” Trap. It sounds like:

• “I should be past this by now.”

• “They seem to be handling things better than I.”

• “I was doing fine last week. What’s wrong with me today?”

This kind of thinking doesn’t push us forward. It turns healing into a race you can’t win—and shame becomes the running partner you didn’t ask for.

Therapy Isn’t a Fast Fix

At Better Futures, we don’t promise quick fixes. We’re not here to slap a bandage on a deep cut and send you on your way. What we are interested in is helping you build emotional range. Not just symptom relief, but depth. Not just “feeling better,” but knowing how to sit with the full weight of what life brings, without breaking apart every time it gets heavy.

A Different Way to Measure Progress

What if progress looked like this:

• Choosing to rest without guilt.

• Asking for help, even when it makes your voice shake.

• Allowing yourself to be seen on the days you feel least presentable.

• Catching yourself in self-criticism and pausing, just for a breath.

That’s slow work. Quiet work. But it’s real.

If You Need to Hear This: You’re Not Broken

You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. You don’t need to chase “better.” Healing is not a contest. It’s a return to yourself, to your body, to the parts of you you thought had to stay hidden.

Take your time. You’re allowed to.

We’ll be here when you’re ready to come as you are.

Better Futures offers therapy and support for the parts of you that don’t want to be rushed. Reach out when you’re ready, not when you think you “should” be.